Saturday, March 19, 2005

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Saturday, 19 March 2005
Well, it has been a while since I contributed daily to the blog world. So, hello again.
I have been bandying around the idea of blogging for a few weeks now. But today I seem to have gotten started. I guess with all new endeavors the first thing you do is to get organized and that is what I have been doing. I made myself a list of questions concerning what this new outburst was going to be about. And this is what I came up with:

1. Why am I doing this?
I suppose that what I want to do is to make some sense out of my current situation and to try and make things a little better for the people I am responsible for. The blogger is a public (and free!) format and I want what I have to say to be out there. And also, I suppose I just want to feel that I have fully utilized whatever recourses I might have. I wrote for this blog every day before stopping and all of that work should not be wasted if I can help it.

2. What the hell am I trying to say?
I am trying to say that I have found myself in an un-winnable situation and that I am in this situation because of what had happened to me in Poland. I wrote a book about it and I have been trying to get people to read it and this blog was supposed to be in support of that book. That to this day still nothing has happened is a big deal to me. And, regardless of the lack of results from the first book, I want to write another book about the last year, about what living penniless in Belarus was like and about all that has happened since.
3. Why am I writing it at all?
That’s a hell of a question. Why am I writing about it all? Well, firstly I have all of the writer’s reasons for this. Writing adds clarity, shares and wrestles with ideas and allows for a deeper thought process. And that I have always felt that there is something really universal about my situation both politically and from a human level. Certainly we all must feel as though we have become trapped by our world to certain extent; that we have become powerless and that we are taken advantage of. Mine was an atypical case and a rather overwhelming one, but nevertheless I felt that people would identify. Or at the least, that they would know a bit more about things than they did before.
4. Why did I stop in the first place?
I stopped because I became discouraged, because I ran out of money and because my situation no longer tolerated the time and money expended on it. And because I felt no one was listening.
1. What do I hope to accomplish by writing for the blog every day?
The everyday part is the stickler there. That was what got to me the first time. But again, I think that my starting again is exactly the same as why I was writing the blog the last time. I felt I needed a forum to express myself and to make my situation known, and this was what I found was available for me. I still believe that the only way out of my current hole is to gain some public support in my favor. I believe what happened to me was wrong, was happening to others every day, and should be stopped and the people responsible held accountable. I still do. And what is more, I feel I have an interesting story to tell.
But then gain, I have heard it said that the definition of crazy is doing the same things over and over and yet expecting a different result. That may very well be true in my case, but nevertheless, This is what I have got to work on.
2. What is my current situation?
Well, I am, we are broke. I mean really broke, and what is more, I can’t see that I can see where I have any prospects to expect help in the near future. I am still in Belarus and Tatyana and I have had a little girl and her name is Anya and this has sort of changed things for me. Last year I went almost completely without money for months. I worked on our little dacha farm and for a while lived directly from our land. This time around it is a little better, but not much. Our situation is really bad. We have no real assets and there is no one offering me any work around here but leaving entails breaking up my new family in some way. So, in the end, I am hoping to simply better my lot in some way and in doing so better provide for those who I am responsible for.
3. What do I want to happen?
Well, in the end I guess I would jut like to achieve some living situation somewhere that has some economic sense to it. We need money, as does everyone. So this, and in addition to this, I want my daughter to have the best chance for a goo life that is possible. All pretty normal stuff I guess.
4. Do I have any thoughts that blogging it would help?
To be frank, I am not sure that making my thought process public will have a positive effect. In fact, I am thinking that all of this might actually get in the way of what I have been trying to say. On the other hand, it is a public offering (if hard to find) and in that is the chance to share with other people and inevitably, especially if we are talking about getting some press and attention for my situation here, the Belarussian situation in general or the book(s), that is where all roads need to lead, don’t they.
5. Am I enjoying this?
Well no, but doing something is always better than doing nothing. And one needs to take the best shots one has. So this is my shot at getting clear one way or another. I simply have to make something happen and I need to do it soon.

How is that for some heart-felt blogging. Too reserved? Do you think organizing things here is bad form? I mean, is blogging really only about ranting and tossing out the first thing that comes to mind? Is blogging really only for teenage angst and style mad alcoholics? Or, and if you ever cruise the blog world you know what I mean, is it all about advertising?
Well, my name is Adam Goodman and I have been had. I wrote about it in a book but nothing happened. So now I am trying to dig my way out of a hole I should never have been put into in the first place and I am going to be doing so publicly. Well, as public as being one amongst a gadzillion other blogs can be. So here we go again. Too bad there is no fan fare here. No bells, buzzers and whistles. No flags, no ticker tape. Just some more words and a new post and that is all. Maybe this one will be better. I may not have been as clear as I wanted to be back then. Perhaps I am thinking a little clearer now. A lot of things have happened. Perhaps this will be a new awakening. Or maybe it is just the spring.
So anyway, back to work!! I have got a lot to do and as they say there is nothing more to it than to do it.
May God have mercy on us all.

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