A lttle wife beating wisdom...
Today's entry, which is following with the program of reprinting letters from the time just before my "Being Had" episode in Poland, is one I am not all that comfortable with. It was from a letter which I write the day after getting involved in an incident where a man in a bar simply threw a punch at a girl who had stood up to him. The incident started when the guy asked me to sit and drink with him while I was talking to the girl. After trying to politely turn him down two or three times, I was more interested in the girl, the girl went after him that he we too stupid to understand when he was being asked to leave. In response, he just nailed her. After I stepped between them, what his face showed me that he was hurt that I could possibly take her side.
Sat, 13 Apr 2002 02:43:49 -0700 (PDT)
Bill,
Well, so much for fun. Today I have just a few thoughts about wife beating and chauvinism. Settle down, settle down...Now, I think I wrote to you before about the little punk and the scene at the bar and that he hit the girl I was talking to, right? Ok, I just want to share a few thoughts on the subject with you because we are friends, and you’ve been married forever and you are with the cops…anyway, I think this is a good fit.
So, what we have here is a system that does not “over protect” the women. I say the words over protect, because, as I am sure you are aware of, there have been enough abuses of the system on the part of the women, that there is now an argument about a woman’s responsibility not to over burden the system. But we do know that because of how quickly (and sometimes thoughtlessly) we act in our country on our women’s behalf; there have been many, many cases of systemic abuse. If you don’t agree with what I am saying, or if you don't want to talk about the subject, I guess you can stop now. But I am not just talking about drunks beating up on their wives; I am talking about the idea of a man hitting a woman at all and what all it actually means. Because in our country, and this is the way that it has been explained to me, if a man was to hit a woman, or even, if the woman says that the man hit her (and this is where the abuse of the system part comes in,) the man gets canned, at least for the night, and is therefore tagged for all future considerations as a guy who has lain a hand on a woman. True. We like to teach each other about these subtleties, because we like to can each other. And I am making jokes, but it really is the truth because de facto: man plus hit plus woman equals police and courts and jail. This is how we think, and this is how we play our game.
But here, they don’t seem to want to mess around with issues between two people. And this is both men and woman and men and men. Any one on one meeting between two angry parties is pretty much their business, and people here just don’t call the cops on each other. So I have seen three times here a guy hit a woman over some issue or other. And each time it happened, the woman did not run to her friends and tell how ruined her life was, nor did she go to the police and complain about anything. What I saw was more like, she took the hit, like you or I would take a hit, kind of a “go ahead big shot, show mw how big and bad you are!” And he did. And she didn’t cry or carry on, she just kind of checked herself out the way I would after falling from my bike. Something happened. I hurt a little. I am not dead. I don’t think I need a doctor. Can I continue? ‘Nuff said. And in two of the three cases, and I am not bullshitting, her body language was so asking for the hit before it happened, I mean, you could see it coming, that even I was thinking that that is what the girl really wanted.
This leads me to believe that we are not in Kansas anymore. These are tough people and this is a hard life. And if I am reading this correctly, it is not simply a matter of protection from the law, or what are male or female roles, what it is about feeling the pain of life, and letting it out, wherever and however it is supposed to be let out. I talked to these girls after the fact, and each and every one of them gave me the “I had it coming line”. And we know this is the states, from a female masochist’s angle, and we try very hard to reeducate these woman as o their rights and all. But what I am saying is that life just goes on here. And more then that, these girls are just chalking these moments up to experience. And in two of the three cases, the girl was drunk too, knew she was taking her chances, and even says that they were being bitches. And in all three of the cases, the girls knew that they were fucking with a stupid drunk men, and got smacked, and that that is just the way it is, and was, and they knew what they were doing when they showed up to play. Boom, welcome to the party! She is just telling everyone that she was indeed tough enough to play, did play, got beat (literally) and she should have known better. And both he, and she, and all of the friends, and all of the people who saw it, all seem to agree with this all. If you are going to play with fire you might just get burned.
But anyway, there is a reason I am talking about all of this today. Because, it is strange for me to be in such a world, because I have been through the American feminine/pugilistic reeducation system (without having earned it, as I am still female hitless in my time) and I don’t really have any particular feeling for the punching of woman. Actually, I have been in a few fights, and I am pretty good at winning quickly, but I have never started one in my life, and I still have no desire to hit a woman. But I am living in a place where men do. And because of this, I am feeling a little out of place! And worse, I feel I am being taken advantage of as weak, by women because they have the idea that as an American, I won’t ever hit them, and this knowledge does not breed love and trust, but scorn! They, and I don’t mean all women, but some actually refuse to take me seriously because they feel they will not get punched out. See my point? And this is a very strange “when in Rome” moment if you catch my drift, because I really don’t feel like there is any real reason to go Mohammed Ali on some 19 year old just so she doesn’t mock my pigeon Russian. However, it is a real and true fact of the rather earthy nature of life where I am sitting just now. In a place where we all drink straight vodka, and work for nothing, and have no particular hope, we are also living in a place where a woman seems to want her man to “show her” he means business from time to time. And she doesn’t want to hear about it, she wants to feel it and to know about it because her security depends on it. In other words, they are making some serious bitches here, Bill. Know what I mean?
Anyway, this is just a thought, what do you think of all of this?
Adam
Sat, 13 Apr 2002 02:43:49 -0700 (PDT)
 |
| The Hotel "Pripyat" in Pinsk |
Well, so much for fun. Today I have just a few thoughts about wife beating and chauvinism. Settle down, settle down...Now, I think I wrote to you before about the little punk and the scene at the bar and that he hit the girl I was talking to, right? Ok, I just want to share a few thoughts on the subject with you because we are friends, and you’ve been married forever and you are with the cops…anyway, I think this is a good fit.
So, what we have here is a system that does not “over protect” the women. I say the words over protect, because, as I am sure you are aware of, there have been enough abuses of the system on the part of the women, that there is now an argument about a woman’s responsibility not to over burden the system. But we do know that because of how quickly (and sometimes thoughtlessly) we act in our country on our women’s behalf; there have been many, many cases of systemic abuse. If you don’t agree with what I am saying, or if you don't want to talk about the subject, I guess you can stop now. But I am not just talking about drunks beating up on their wives; I am talking about the idea of a man hitting a woman at all and what all it actually means. Because in our country, and this is the way that it has been explained to me, if a man was to hit a woman, or even, if the woman says that the man hit her (and this is where the abuse of the system part comes in,) the man gets canned, at least for the night, and is therefore tagged for all future considerations as a guy who has lain a hand on a woman. True. We like to teach each other about these subtleties, because we like to can each other. And I am making jokes, but it really is the truth because de facto: man plus hit plus woman equals police and courts and jail. This is how we think, and this is how we play our game.
But here, they don’t seem to want to mess around with issues between two people. And this is both men and woman and men and men. Any one on one meeting between two angry parties is pretty much their business, and people here just don’t call the cops on each other. So I have seen three times here a guy hit a woman over some issue or other. And each time it happened, the woman did not run to her friends and tell how ruined her life was, nor did she go to the police and complain about anything. What I saw was more like, she took the hit, like you or I would take a hit, kind of a “go ahead big shot, show mw how big and bad you are!” And he did. And she didn’t cry or carry on, she just kind of checked herself out the way I would after falling from my bike. Something happened. I hurt a little. I am not dead. I don’t think I need a doctor. Can I continue? ‘Nuff said. And in two of the three cases, and I am not bullshitting, her body language was so asking for the hit before it happened, I mean, you could see it coming, that even I was thinking that that is what the girl really wanted.
This leads me to believe that we are not in Kansas anymore. These are tough people and this is a hard life. And if I am reading this correctly, it is not simply a matter of protection from the law, or what are male or female roles, what it is about feeling the pain of life, and letting it out, wherever and however it is supposed to be let out. I talked to these girls after the fact, and each and every one of them gave me the “I had it coming line”. And we know this is the states, from a female masochist’s angle, and we try very hard to reeducate these woman as o their rights and all. But what I am saying is that life just goes on here. And more then that, these girls are just chalking these moments up to experience. And in two of the three cases, the girl was drunk too, knew she was taking her chances, and even says that they were being bitches. And in all three of the cases, the girls knew that they were fucking with a stupid drunk men, and got smacked, and that that is just the way it is, and was, and they knew what they were doing when they showed up to play. Boom, welcome to the party! She is just telling everyone that she was indeed tough enough to play, did play, got beat (literally) and she should have known better. And both he, and she, and all of the friends, and all of the people who saw it, all seem to agree with this all. If you are going to play with fire you might just get burned.
But anyway, there is a reason I am talking about all of this today. Because, it is strange for me to be in such a world, because I have been through the American feminine/pugilistic reeducation system (without having earned it, as I am still female hitless in my time) and I don’t really have any particular feeling for the punching of woman. Actually, I have been in a few fights, and I am pretty good at winning quickly, but I have never started one in my life, and I still have no desire to hit a woman. But I am living in a place where men do. And because of this, I am feeling a little out of place! And worse, I feel I am being taken advantage of as weak, by women because they have the idea that as an American, I won’t ever hit them, and this knowledge does not breed love and trust, but scorn! They, and I don’t mean all women, but some actually refuse to take me seriously because they feel they will not get punched out. See my point? And this is a very strange “when in Rome” moment if you catch my drift, because I really don’t feel like there is any real reason to go Mohammed Ali on some 19 year old just so she doesn’t mock my pigeon Russian. However, it is a real and true fact of the rather earthy nature of life where I am sitting just now. In a place where we all drink straight vodka, and work for nothing, and have no particular hope, we are also living in a place where a woman seems to want her man to “show her” he means business from time to time. And she doesn’t want to hear about it, she wants to feel it and to know about it because her security depends on it. In other words, they are making some serious bitches here, Bill. Know what I mean?
Anyway, this is just a thought, what do you think of all of this?
Adam
posted by BEING HAD at
6:43 AM
