Saturday, April 03, 2004


Drazek actually wrote me a third letter but I am declining to publish him puiblicly. I did writing him back though... I don't know what to say about him or my situation with him. We are simply so poor here and there is so little that we can do to make money. The damages sone are really quite severe. I don't know why this has to be so hard to figure out.

However, I am filled with a new resolve. My experiences of the past few weeks have rekindled in me the fire and I am ready to go back at it once again.

It is hard for me to really describe my felings about what all has been going on in my life. I have some philisophical issues and some political opinions, but in the end, it is always all about recources and their lack. We need to find ourselves a better situation, but doing so is not such an easy choise. So I have been looking. Here is what I have heard:


In speaking to European friends recently, I would say that the mood is rather dark and dour for them. Yes they have that damned lifestyle and all, but undernieth is an everpresent feeling of dispair at how little life there actually is in their lives. This feeling is intermingled with the great joke that is the Eurodollar. I have been told that the prices in Europe right now are much, much higher since the introduction of the new general currency. Specifically, people are finding that the cost of items which previously were marked in Doiuchmarks or Gilders, are now costing an equal number of Euros- a frieghtening display of inflation that would even rival Belarus in terms of economic instability. And what is more freightening, is that they are claiming that the damned things are worth more than dollars! The job market is said to be as poor as at any time in the last 20 years. People are playing very close to thier vest and there is a lot of worrying going on. IN asking about potential jobs, I am simply told that there are not enough jobs for the locals, much less outsiders.

The States

The word has been that the rich have got richer and the poor have got poorer. Lisa from Cavaltry courier told me that in New York, there is a striking division of wealth, and that the economy has not as yet returned to anything near pre-9/11 times. I can believe this. I still have the passport, but like... I haven't been there in two years.

Moving ON

So what indeed am I supposed to do? I have a life here, but that I am not opriginally from here, along with the language and money issues, makes being here rather problematic. Certainly there is economic hardship and chaos. Certainly here is not as big as Europe or the states. But in spite of all of this, I find that here, I do have something. And that somehting that I do have here seems to be more than I have had anywhere in a long, long time. And so yes, I have been thinking of running and looking for a new gig and new opertunities outside of Belarus. I have been fishing. But what I have found has simply not been what I was looking for. And though it is true that Tatyana and I have been through more of a ringer than any people should have to go through just to be together, there is something to be said for the idea of home.

I was 40 years old a few days ago. That is a big Goddamned deal. I got some mail about that from people I did not expect to hear from. And, some people I did expect to hear from, neglected to remember. So adding this into the equation, and all of that down-hillness that goes along with forty years, broken bones and extra belly, I am saying that I have made the right choise in staying. The political debate rages on, and the speculation of what follows Lukeshenka is of great interest. We (The US) are at war, and aparently the war zone is quite a bit less defined that you might think. We have global economic problems now to go along with the ecological and population problems. Nobody has got it easy any more, I am afraid. And so, inspite of it all, if I must put my efforts into something, I think I would rather put them into something that does something for my life... Or better, for the life that is still in my life. I am not a kid any more. There is simply no longer any reasons for waisting my time.

So I say, lets put a bike shop in there ans see how people like it. I say, we have a play to produce. I say, we have a book that needs publishing and general distrebution. And I say, I have a story, I would like to get out to the largest possible audience. I might have to do some traveling oin the future, but for now, I say we check it out right here at the homestead and see how it goes.

No Longer A Daily

And finally, I think that when I was working out here daily, there was some positive result for me, at leats in terms of hardness of eye and sharpness of wit. At least that what they told me at home. But I think that this comes more frm the act of writing, which I have been engaging in on some level or other for quite some time. This break I have been on though, has seemed to rekindle some love of playwriting in me, and I find I have been making scetches again. I like this activcity far, far more than I did writing Being Had or doing any of this work for this blog. I started writing plays way back in 1995 or 96. The first play was called "Coffee with Adam and Todd" and I really liked the process and the end results. I beleive I have all in all about 11 completed plays or so. It is an eclectic catalogue to be sure, but the main thing is that all but for the last few have all been written with a feeling of freedom and a desire to express some general idea or so. I think I prefer that to this, and I intend to devote a bit more of my time to that end than I will to this thing. I might do some tidying up and add some new things such as the few extra Belarus links I added to the home page. And I will try and keep everything about the case updated here, but I think that in general, I will not be blogging all that often...

However, for today, I am going to add to this blog a very non-serious play I wrote in Poland towards the end of my stay there. The play is called TWO BY ONE, and I don't know that it is the quintesential piece of my oeuvre, but like; I wrote it, ok?

Anyway, I am already several scenes into a new play that I have been meaning to work on for the longest time. I am planning on it as another russian language play. If you are interested in this, or in any of my previous work, please contact me at

and I will be happy to accomodate you as best as I can.

And so, with special regards to Paul, Will, Hiedi, Chris, Rudi and all of the other friends and adversaries from the last few weeks,

Thanks for reading me. More in a bit...